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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Random Short Quotes - 60

Brendan Behan

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.


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J. R. R. Tolkien

Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible, and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works...


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Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

Reason is the substance of the universe. The design of the world is absolutely rational.


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Peter McWilliams, Life 101

Resentment is anger directed at others--at what they did or did not do.


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E. L. Doctorow

It's like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.


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Demosthenes

The man who has received a benefit ought always to remember it, but he who has granted it ought to forget the fact at once.


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Graham Green

There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets in the future.


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Margaret Mead

Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire.


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Josh Billings

The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.


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Oswald Mosley

There are periods in history when change is necessary, and other periods when it is better to keep everything for the time as it is. The art of life is to be in the rhythm of your age.


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Shakespeare

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.


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Douglas Adams

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.



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