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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Clever Random Short Quotations - 158

Benjamin Franklin

He that would live in peace and at ease, must not speak all he knows nor judge all he sees.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could probably use a cheap ice pick.


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Anon.

If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...


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The Talmud

Beware of too much laughter, for it deadens the mind and produces oblivion.


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Oliver Wendell Holmes

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.


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Lucille Ball

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.


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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

All things must change to something new, to something strange.


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Judy Garland

Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.


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Henri De Montherlant

We like someone because. We love someone although.


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William E. Channing

Nothing which has entered into our experience is ever lost.


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Mary MacCracken

Level with your child by being honest. Nobody spots a phony quicker than a child.


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Emily Elizabeth Dickinson

Faith--is the Pierless Bridge Supporting what We see Unto the Scene that We do not.



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