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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Random Short Quotations - 194
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Will Rogers
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.
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Mark Twain
How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
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Sir Edmund Hillary
You defeated me But you won't defeat me again Because you have grown all you can grow.... but I am still growing (about Mount Everest)
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Jane Austen
There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better we find comfort somewhere.
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Lewis Thomas
Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment. They farm fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into war, use chemical sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves, engage in child labor, exchange information ceaselessly. They do everything but watch television.
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G. C. Lichtenberg
To receive applause for works which do not demand all our powers hinders our advance towards a perfecting of our spirit. It usually means that thereafter we stand still.
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Lao-Tzu
Conquering others takes force, conquering yourself is true strength.
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Marcus Tullius Cicero
A friend is, as it were, a second self.
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G. K. Chesterton, Flying Inn (1914)
The rich are the scum of the earth in every country.
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Joni Mitchell, song-The Last Time I Saw Richard
All romantics meet the same fate someday. Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe.
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Niccolo Machiavelli
Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.
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This Is Spinal Tap
Marty This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the question, What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too'
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