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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Clever Random Short Quotes - 108

Rambler

A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.


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Latin Proverb

Never give a child a sword.


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Anwar el Sadat

Most people seek after what they do not possess and are enslaved by the very things they want to acquire.


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Karl R. Popper

The history of science is everywhere speculative. It is a marvelous hiatory. It makes you proud to be a human being.


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Fran Lebowitz

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.


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R. D. Laing

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.


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Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.


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Hilaire Belloc

From quiet homes and first beginning, Out to the undiscovered ends, There's nothing worth the wear of winning, But laughter and the love of friends.


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George Orwell

It is a commonplace that the history of civilisation is largely the history of weapons. In particular, the connection between the discovery of gunpowder and the overthrow of feudalism by the bourgeoisie has been pointed out over and over again. And though I have no doubt exceptions can be brought forward, I think the following rule would be found to be generally true that ages in which the dominant weapon is expensive or difficult to make will be ages of despotism, whereas when the dominant weapon is cheap and simple, the common people have a chance. Thus, for example, tanks, battleships and bombing planes are inherently tyrannical weapons, while rifles, muskets, long-bows and hand-grenades are inherently democratic weapons. A complex weapon makes the strong stronger, while a simple weapon --so long as there is no answer to it-- gives claws to the weak.


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Bill Lyon

If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.


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Mark Twain

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.


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Jacques Martin Barzun

If it were possible to talk to the unborn, one could never explain to them how it feels to be alive, for life is washed in the speechless real.



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