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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Short Quotes - 151
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Doris Lessing
You are in the process of being indoctrinated. We have not yet evolved a system of education that is not a system of indoctrination. We are sorry, but it is the best we can do. What you are being taught here is an amalgam of current prejudice and the choices of this particular culture. The slightest look at history will show how impermanent these must be. You are being taught by people who have been able to accomodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors. It is a self-perpetuating system. Those of you who are more robust and individual than others, will be encouraged to leave and find ways of educating yourself-educating your own judgement. Those that stay must remember, always and all the time, that they are being moulded and patterned to fit into the narrow and particular needs of this society.
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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Trust no future, however pleasant Let the dead past bury its dead Act, - act in the living Present Heart within and God overhead.
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Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
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Saint Augustine
Nothing whatever pertaining to godliness and real holiness can be accomplished without grace.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat so much.
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Mary Pettibone Poole
People who are always making allowances for themselves soon go bankrupt.
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Berenson
The artist, depicting man disdainful of the storm and stress of life, is no less reconciling and healing than the poet who, while endowing Nature and Humanity, rejoices in its measureless superiority to human passions and human sorrows.
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Judge Gideon J. Tucker
No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
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Benjamin Franklin
Critics are our friends, they tell us our faults.
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Child Age 13
What I've learned. . . . I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
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Epictetus
No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
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Maya Angelou
If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.
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