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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Short Quotes - 99
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Seneca
If a man does not know to what port he is steering, no wind is favourable to him.
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Robert C. Byrd
Well, Mr. Secretary, I lived in a house without electricity too. No running water, no telephone...I can stand toe-to-toe with you. in response to Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill
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Lily Tomlin
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
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Anthony Robbins
Let fear be a counselor and not a jailer.
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Ingrid Bengis
The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not, the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you come to terms with only to discover that they are still there. The real questions refuse to be placated. They barge into your life at the times when it seems most important for them to stay away. They are the questions asked most frequently and answered most inadequately, the ones that reveal their true natures slowly, reluctantly, most often against your will.
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Lord Chesterfield
There is hardly anybody good for everything, and there is scarcely anybody who is absolutely good for nothing.
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Aldous Huxley
That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.
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Pete Rose
I've never looked forward to a birthday like I'm looking forward to my new daughter's birthday, because two days after that is when I can apply for reinstatement.
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Cicero
History is the witness that testifies to the passing of time it illumines reality, vitalizes memory, provides guidance in daily life and brings us tidings of antiquity.
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Percy Bysshe Shelley
Poetry is the record of the best and happiest moments of the happiest and best minds.
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Confucius, The Confucian Analects
Without an acquaintance with the rules of propriety, it is impossible for the character to be established.
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Baal Shem Tov
Everyone is unique. Compare not yourself with anyone else lest you spoil God's curriculum.
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