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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Short Quotations - 149
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L. Ron Hubbard, Book: Child Dianetics
You want to raise your child in such a way that you don’t have to control him, so that he will be in full possession of himself at all times. Upon that depends his good behavior, his health, his sanity.
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Aeschylus
Time as he grows old teaches all things.
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Samuel Johnson
Men are generally idle, and ready to satisfy themselves, and intimidate the industry of others, by calling that impossible which is only difficult.
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Kahlil Gibran
Zeal is a volcano, the peak of which the grass of indecisiveness does not grow.
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Tom Lehrer
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
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Henry Van Dyke
Some succeed because they are destined to, but most succeed because they are determined to.
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Dennis McKinsey
If God kills, lies, cheats, discriminates, and otherwise behaves in a manner that puts the Mafia to shame, that's Okay, he's God. He can do whatever he wants. Anyone who adheres to this philosophy has had his sense of morality, decency, justice and humaneness warped beyond recognition by the very book that is supposedly preaching the opposite.
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Harry S Truman
Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
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Andrew Schneider
You've been listening to the adagio from Beethoven's 7th Symphony. I think Ludwig pretty much summed up death in this one. You know, he had lost just about all his hearing when he wrote it, and I've often wondered if that didn't help him tune into the final silence of the great beyond.
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Sigmund Freud
The goal of all life is death.
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Alden Nowlan
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult the day he forgives himself he becomes wise.
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