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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Random Short Quotes - 90
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Stanislaw Lem, "Holiday", 1963
Cannibals prefer those who have no spines.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
Give all to love obey thy heart.
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Emil Wiechert
So far as modern science is concerned, we have to abandon completely the idea that by going into the realm of the small we shall reach the ultimate foundations of the universe. I believe we can abandon this idea without any regret. The universe is infinite in all directions, not only above us in the large but also below us in the small.
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Samuel Johnson
No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money.
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Edward P. Tryon
In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
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William Shakespeare
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity, We bid be quiet when we hear it cry But were we burdened with like weight of pain, As much or more we should ourselves complain.
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Othello
O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains!
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Rod Serling
The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices -- to be found in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own -- for the children and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to the Twilight Zone.
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Mother Theresa
People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.
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Brendan Gill
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
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Niccolo Machiavelli
War is a profession by which a man cannot live honorably; an employment by which the soldier, if he would reap any profit, is obliged to be false, rapacious, and cruel.
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Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Nothing can come out of nothing, any more than a thing can go back to nothing.
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