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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Random Short Quotes - 85

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.


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Sir Francis Darwin

In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not the man to whom the idea first occurs.


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Henry Louis Mencken

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.


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Herb Brody

Telling the future by looking at the past assumes that conditions remain constant. This is like driving a car by looking in the rearview mirror.


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Plato

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything. It is the essence of order, and leads to all that is god, just, and beautiful, of which it is the invisible, but never less, dazzaling, passionate, and eternal form.


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Henry David Thoreau, Vol. 2, p.318 Houghton Mifflin

Do what nobody else can do for you. Omit to do anything else.


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B. J. Gupta

In order to find a good quotation in a dictionary of humorous quotations, I didn't leave any stone unturned.


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Josh Billings

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are and doing things as they ought to be done.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.


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Confucius, The Confucian Analects

There are three things which the superior man guards against. In youth...lust. When he is strong...quarrelsomeness. When he is old...covetousness.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.


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Bill Watterson

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em'



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