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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Random Short Quotes - 21
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Chinese Proverb
A closed mind is like a closed book just a block of wood.
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Unknown
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said.
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Lawrence Peter Berra
So I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.
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Donald H. Rumsfeld, on Iraqi Resistance Fighters
If a person is determined to fight to the death, then they may very well have that opportunity.
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Andrew Schneider
Men are confused. They're conflicted. They want a woman who's their intellectual equal, but they're afraid of women like that. They want a woman they can dominate, but then they hate her for being weak. It's an ambivalence that goes back to a man's relationship with his mother. Source of his life, center of his universe, object of both his fear and his love.
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Christina Georgina Rossetti
When I am dead, my dearest, Sing no sad songs for me Plant thou no roses at my head, Nor shady cypress tree. Be the green grass above me With showers and dewdrops wet And if thou wilt, remember And if thou wilt, forget.
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O. Henry, "Gift of the Magi," 1906
Life is sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.
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Herman Cain
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
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Og Mandino
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.
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Sextus Propertius, Elegies
Let no one be willing to speak ill of the absent.
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Niccolo Machiavelli
A prince should therefore have no other aim or thought, nor take up any other thing for his study but war and it organization and discipline, for that is the only art that is necessary to one who commands.
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James F. Byrnes
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.
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