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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Short Quotes - 45
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Doug Larson
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.
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Elvis Presley
Man, I was tame compared to what they do now, are you kidding ? All that I ever did was just jiggle.
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Clive Jones
Common sense and sense of humor are the same thing moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
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Gore Vidal
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
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Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, April 2003
If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies. And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.
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Ovid
Dignity and love do not blend well, nor do they continue long together.
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Lesley Conger
Every act of dishonesty has at least two victims the one we think of as the victim, and the perpetrator as well. Each little dishonesty ... makes another little rotten spot somewhere in the perpetrator's psyche.
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Madame Guizot
Much misconstruction and bitterness are spared to him who thinks naturally upon what he owes to others rather than what he ought to expect from them.
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Dale Carnegie
One of the most appalling comments on our present way of life is that half of all the beds in our hospitals are reserved for patients with nervous and mental troubles, patients who have collapsed under the crushing burden of accumulated yesterdays and fearful tomorrows. Yet a vast majority of those people would be walking the streets today, leading happy, useful lives, if they had only heeded the words of Jesus: Have no anxiety about the morrow; or the words of Sir William Osler; Live in day-tight compartments.
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George
There's a moment coming. It's not here yet. It's still on the way. It's in the future. It hasn't arrived. Here it comes. Here it is It's gone.
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Lee Iacocca
Management is nothing more than motivating other people.
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Titus Maccius Plautus
Things we not hope for often come to pass than things we wish.
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