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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Short Quotations - 146
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Anthony Trollope
Above all else, never think you're not good enough.
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Jimmy Buffett
If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese 'gems' from burglars.
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Socrates
If a rich man is proud of his wealth, he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
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Elie Wiesel
There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.
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John Kenneth Galbraith
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
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Lois McMaster Bujold
It's important that someone celebrate our existence... People are the only mirror we have to see ourselves in. The domain of all meaning. All virtue, all evil, are contained only in people. There is none in the universe at large. Solitary confinement is a punishment in every human culture.
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Wilhelm von Humboldt
How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is.
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Albert Einstein
Human beings are not condemned, because of their biological constitution, to annihilate each other or to be at the mercy of a cruel, self-inflicted fate.
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Eugene McCarthy
Saying we should keep the two-party political system simply because it is working is like saying the Titanic voyage was a success because a few people survived on life rafts.
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Charles Haddon Spurgeon
Of two evils choose neither.
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Joey Adams
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
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