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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Random Short Quotations - 170
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Mae West
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
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James Russell Lowell
We live in oppressive times. We have, as a nation, become our own thought police but instead of calling the process by which we limit our expression of dissent and wonder 'censorship,' we call it 'concern for commercial viability.'
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Robert Anton Wilson
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.
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Cicero
As the old proverb says Like readily consorts with like.
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Woodrow Wyatt
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.
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David M. Shoup
The galleries are full of critics. They play no ball, they fight no fights. They make no mistakes because they attempt nothing. Down in the arena are the doers. They make mistakes because they try many things. The man who makes no mistakes lacks boldness and the spirit of adventure. He is the one who never tries anything. His is the brake on the wheel of progress. And yet it cannot be truly said he makes no mistakes, because his biggest mistake is the very fact that he tries nothing, does nothing, except criticize those who do things.
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Helen Keller
Not the senses I have but what I do with them is my kingdom.
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Jerry Coleman
There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.
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James Thurber
The wit makes fun of other persons the satirist makes fun of the world the humorist makes fun of himself.
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Edward Abbey
No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets.
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Robert L. Kruse, Data Structures and Program Design
An apprentice carpenter may want only a hammer and saw, but a master craftsman employs many precision tools. Computer programming likewise requires sophisticated tools to cope with the complexity of real applications, and only practice with these tools will build skill in their use.
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Christian Furchtegott Gellert
Live as you will have wished to have lived when you are dying.
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