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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Random Short Quotations - 144
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Scott Russell Sanders
The deepest American dream is not the hunger for money or fame it is the dream of settling down, in peace and freedom and cooperation, in the promised land.
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Pablo Casals
The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?
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Horace Mann
Education alone can conduct us to that enjoyment which is, at once, best in quality and infinite in quantity.
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Richard Milhous Nixon
When I retire I'm going to spend my evenings by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned.
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George Santayana
Happiness is the only sanction of life where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experiment.
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Faith Whittlesey
Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
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Shel Silverstein
Draw a crazy picture,Write a nutty poem,Sing a mumble-gumble song,Whistle through your comb.Do a loony-goony dance'Cross the kitchen floor,Put something silly in the worldThat ain't been there before.
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George Eliot
Perhaps the most delightful friendships are those in which there is much agreement, much disputation, and yet more personal liking.
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Lord Chesterfield
Wit is so shining a quality that everybody admires it most people aim at it, all people fear it, and few love it unless in themselves.
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Sir Winston Churchill
I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political statistic.
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Leonardo DiCaprio
Some people don't get it when I'm being sarcastic.
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