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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Random Short Quotes - 139

Edgar Watson Howe

Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.


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Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous Actually, who are you not to be You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


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Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.


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Aristotle

They should rule who are able to rule best.


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Robert Byrne

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.


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Charles Grodin

It was from an old friend who thought he was dying. Anyway, he said, Life and death issues don't come along that often, thank God, so don't treat everything like it's life or death. Go easier.


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Saint Benedict

Listen and attend with the ear of your heart.


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Tallulah Bankhead

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.


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Moliere

To find yourself jilted is a blow to your pride. Do your best to forget it and if you don't succeed, at least pretend to.


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Yogi Berra

Congratulations. I knew the record would stand until it was broken.


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Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Somehow liberals have been unable to acquire from birth what conservatives seem to be endowed with at birth namely, a healthy skepticism of the powers of government to do good.


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Albert Smith

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.



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