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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Clever Random Short Quotes - 98
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Bertrand Russell
This is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened by absurdities.
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Rudyard Kipling
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
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Eve Denise Curie
We discovered that peace at any price is no peace at all.
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Sir Walter Raleigh
Remember, that if thou marry for beauty, thou bindest thyself all thy life for that which perchance will neither last nor please thee one year; and when thou hast it, it will be to thee of no price at all; for the desire dieth when it is attained, and the affection perisheth when it is satisfied.
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Cornelius Tacitus
No hatred is so bitter as that of near relations.
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Robert Frost
The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.
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Georges Clemenceau
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Aldus Manutius, Placard on the door of the Aldine Press
Talk of nothing but business, and dispatch that business quickly.
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Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine
I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.
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Wystan Hugh Auden
It takes little talent to see what lies under one's nose, a good deal to know in what direction to point that organ.
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Frederick Henry Hedge
Every man is his own ancestor, and every man is his own heir. He devises his own future, and he inherits his own past.
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James Joyce
Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins commited in previous lives.
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