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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Short Quotes - 35
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Clive Staples Lewis
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another What You, too Thought I was the only one.
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Will Rogers
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat
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Harry Emerson Fosdick
Don't simply retire from something have something to retire to.
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E. Joseph Crossman
The greatest power is often simple patience.
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Louis Pasteur
Chance favors the prepared mind.
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Dan Quayle
What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
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Henry David Thoreau
If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
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Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Do not pursue what is illusory - property and position all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade and can be confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life - don't be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness it is after all, all the same the bitter doesn't last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing.
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Alan Marshall Beck
Little girls are the nicest things that happen to people. They are born with a little bit of angelshine about them, and though it wears thin sometimes there is always enough left to lasso your heart-even when they are sitting in the mud, or crying temperamental tears, or parading up the street in mother's best clothes.
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Alfred North Whitehead
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
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Elizabeth Janeway
I have a problem about being nearly sixty I keep waking up in the morning and thinking I'm thirty-one.
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Lenny Bruce
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
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