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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Famous Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 75
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Isaac Bashevis Singer
There will be no justice as long as man will stand with a knife or with a gun and destroy those who are weaker than he is.
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Tryon Edwards
The secret of a good memory is attention, and attention to a subject depends upon our interest in it. We rarely forget that which has made a deep impression on our minds.
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George W. Bush, Speech to UN General Assembly, September 21, 2004
We know that dictators are quick to choose aggression, while free nations strive to resolve differences in peace. We know that oppressive governments support terror, while free governments fight the terrorists in their midst. We know that free peoples embrace progress and life, instead of becoming the recruits for murderous ideologies.
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Josiah Gilbert Holland
There is no royal road to anything. One thing at a time, all things in succession. That which grows fast, withers as rapidly. That which grows slowly, endures.
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Umberto Eco, on why he wrote the novel "The Name of the Rose."
I felt like poisoning a monk.
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So I Married an Axe Murderer
John Johnson Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a bitch. And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or shiv, and cut out the bitch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's ocular cavities. (short pause) This way to the cafeteria
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Helen Keller
Character can not be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
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Virgil
They are able because they think they are able.
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Italian Proverb
He who begins many things finishes but few.
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Blair Houghton
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare
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Jim Hightower
The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere.
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