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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Famous Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 85
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J. Edgar Hoover
I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
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Oscar Wilde
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
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Real Live Preacher
It really doesnt matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.
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Johnny Depp
The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.
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Mark Twain
Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
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Theodore Roosevelt
The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.
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Dale Dauten, from a 1997 column
Nothing important can be taught, only learned.
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Confucius, The Confucian Analects
When we see men of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.
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Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. patent office, 1899 (attributed)
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Al Franken
The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.
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Margo Kaufman
Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was.
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William Shakespeare, Hamlet
Things are neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so.
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