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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Famous Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 84

Woody Allen

I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.


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William Blake

When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they truly are, infinite.


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George Orwell

Freedom is the right to say two plus two make four. If granted, all else follows.


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John Macy

The wisest keeps something of the vision of a child. Though he may understand a thousand things that a child could not understand, he is always a beginner, close to the original meaning of life.


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Gaius Julius Caesar, De Bello Gallico

Men generally believe what they wish.


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Oren Arnold

Don't expect too much of Christmas Day. You can't crowd into it any arrears of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve months.


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Archimedes

Give me where to stand, and I will move the earth.


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Sir William Joseph Slim

There is only one principle of war and that's this. Hit the other fellow, as quickly as you can, as hard as you can, where it hurts him most, when he ain't lookin'.


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Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.


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Josh Billings

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.


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George C. Marshall

When a thing is done, it's done. Don't look back. Look forward to your next objective.


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John Henry Newman

The love of our private friends is the only preparatory exercise for the love of all men.



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