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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Clever Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 138

Ralph Waldo Emerson

So much of our time is preparation, so much is routine, and so much retrospect, that the path of each man's genius contracts itself to a very few hours.


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Benjamin Disraeli, Speech in the House of Commons, Mar. 3, 1845

A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy.


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Isaac Asimov

I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them.


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George W. Bush, speech, November 19, 1999

In the defense of our nation, a president must be a clear-eyed realist. There are limits to the smiles and scowls of diplomacy. Armies and missiles are not stopped by stiff notes of condemnation. They are held in check by strength and purpose and the promise of swift punishment.


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Ayn Rand

Thanksgiving is a typically American holiday...The lavish meal is a symbol of the fact that abundant consumption is the result and reward of production.


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Lucius Accius, Telephus

Is demum miser est, cuius nobilitas miserias nobilitat. (Indeed, wretched the man whose fame makes his misfortunes famous.)


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John Tyndall

Life is a wave, which in no two consecutive moments of its existence is composed of the same particles.


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Ronald Firbank

The world is so dreadfully managed, one hardly knows to whom to complain.


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U Thant

Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.


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Miguel de Cervantes

Which I have earned with the sweat of my brows.


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Scarface

Tony Montana What you lookin' at You all a bunch of f***ing assholes. You know why You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f***ing fingers and say, That's the bad guy. So... what that make you Good You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through Better get outta his way


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George Bernard Shaw

Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesmen.



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