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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Famous Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 197
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This Is Spinal Tap
David I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.
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Sir Winston Churchill, March 1936, demanding British re-armament
Virtuous motives, trammeled by inertia and timidity, are no match for armed and resolute wickedness. A sincere love of peace is no excuse for muddling hundreds of millions of humble folk into total war. The cheers of the weak, well-meaning assemblies soon cease to count. Doom marches on.
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Dick Houser
When you're a lawyer, you expect your client to lie to you, but not when he is the president.
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Galileo Galilei
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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Socrates
Thou shouldst eat to live; not live to eat.
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Alfred Edward Perlman
After you've done a thing the same way for two years, look it over carefully. After five years, look at it with suspicion. And after ten years, throw it away and start all over.
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Plutarch
Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself.
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Richard Willard Armour
Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world -- making the most of one's best.
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Victor Borge
The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.
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Rene Descartes, Discourse on Method
Good sense is, of all things among men, the most equally distributed: for every one thinks himself so abundantly provided with it, that those even who are the most difficult to satisfy in everything else, do not usually desire a larger measure of this quality than they already possess.
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Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
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Isaac Newton
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
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