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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Famous Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 200
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Sir Thomas Bowell Buxton
The longer I live, the more I am certain that the great difference between the great and the insignificant, is energy - invincible determination--a purpose once fixed, and then death or victory.
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Austin Powers International Man of Mystery
Dr. Evil The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
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P.L. Berger
In science as in love, too much concentration on technique can often lead to impotence.
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Doctor Who
Good place to put things--cellars.
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D. A. Battista
The scars you acquire by exercising courage, Will never make you feel inferior.
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Dorothy Parker
A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
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Buddha
On a long journey of human life, faith is the best of companions it is the best refreshment on the journey and it is the greatest property.
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Eugene Delacroix
What makes men of genius, or rather, what they make, is not new ideas, it is that idea - possessing them - that what has been said has still not been said enough.
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Bill Clinton
There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.
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Oscar Wilde, An Ideal husband, 1893
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
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Bhagavad Gita
Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.
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Abd Er-Rahman III
I have now reigned about 50 years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot. They amount to fourteen.
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