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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Quotations from Famous People - 15

Mae West

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.


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Annie Dillard, _Pilgrim at Tinker Creek_

There is a certain age at which a child looks at you in all earnestness and delivers a long, pleased speech in all the true inflections of spoken English, but with not one recognizable syllable. There is no way you can tell the child that if language had been a melody, he had mastered it and done well, but that since it was in fact a sense, he had botched it utterly.


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Mahatma Gandhi

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy


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James Reston

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.


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Oscar Wilde

Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.


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Charles Haddon Spurgeon

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.


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Author Unknown

Oh, replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, he told me to come and see you.


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G. K. Chesterton

By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece.


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John Dryden

Great wits are sure to madness near allied And thin partitions do their bounds divide.


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Plato, The Republic

The soul of man is immortal and imperishable.


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Katharine Hepburn

I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret...if you have any sense....And if you don't regret them, maybe you're stupid.


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Oliver Wendell Holmes

Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.



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