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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Quotations from Famous People - 9
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Stephen William Hawking
A well-known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russell) once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture a little old lady at the back of the room got up and said 'What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise.' The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, 'What is the turtle standing on' 'You're very clever, young man, very clever,' said the little old lady. 'But it's turtles all the way down.'
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Mother Theresa
Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
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Mark Twain
When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.
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Ruben Studdard
You have to learn that if you start making sure you feel good, everything will be okay.
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Saint Francis Xavier
Give me the children until they are seven and anyone may have them afterward.
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W. H. Davies
What is this life if, so full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.
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Robert Southey
How little do they see what really is, who frame their hasty judgments upon that which seems.
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Franklin D. Roosevelt, Speech, September 22, 1936
In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.
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Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
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David Fisher, Conversations with My Cat
The golden rule of cats that governs all relationships we have with people: you scratch my back, you scratch my back.
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Charles Sorenson
It isn't the incompetent who destroy an organization It is those who have achieved something and want to rest upon their achievements who are forever clogging things up.
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Aristotle Onassis
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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