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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Famous Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 184

William Shakespeare

Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice take each man's censure but reserve thy judgement.


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Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.


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Jeremy Taylor

No sin is small.


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Logan Pearsall Smith, Afterthoughts (1931) "Age and Death"

I cannot forgive my friends for dying; I do not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing.


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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It is not enough to have knowledge, one must also apply it. It is not enough to have wishes, one must also accomplish.


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Naguib Mahfouz

Happy is he who can give himself up.


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Les Brown

We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams.


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Richard Milhous Nixon

Get a good night's sleep and don't bug anybody without asking me. (To re-election campaign manager Clark MacGregor)


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Black Elk

Continuous effort--not strength or intelligence--is the key to unlocking our potential.


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Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.


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Cicero

Nature herself makes the wise man rich.


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Sophia Loren

Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.



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