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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Clever Random Funny Quotes - 168
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Marlon Brando
If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.
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Sigmund Freud
One must not be mean with the affections what is spent of the fund is renewed in the spending itself.
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William S. Burroughs
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
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Herodotus, The Histories of Herodotus
In peace, children inter their parents; war violates the order of nature and causes parents to inter their children.
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TLC, Waterfalls
Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.
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Lord Acton, Letter to Mary Gladstone, 1881
The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern.
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Plato, The Republic
Bodily exercise, when compulsory, does no harm to the body; but knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind.
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Leonardo da Vinci, The Notebooks
As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.
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Matthew Arnold
But each day brings its petty dust Our soon-chok'd souls to fill, And we forget because we must, And not because we will.
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Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving -- we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it -- but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.
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George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.
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Ralph Novak
Reading this book is like waiting for the first shoe to drop.
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