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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Funny Quotes - 169
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Robert Smith Surtees
'Humph' grunted Mr. Romford, seeing his worst fears about to be realized. He had dreamt that he had timbled over a poodle in the drawing-room, and squirted a bottle of porter right into a lady's face. 'Who's goin' besides ourselves' asked Romford, wishing to know the worst at once. 'Better be killed than frightened to death,' thought he.
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Mignon McLaughlin
In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
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Author Unknown
If you had it all to do over, would you fall in love with yourself again?
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Robert Jordan, The Wheel of Time
Death is as light as a feather; duty as heavy as a mountain.
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Henry Kissinger
Power is the great aphrodisiac.
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Ovid
The cause is hidden. The effect is visible to all.
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P. E. Morris
You are 87% water; the other 13% keeps you from drowning.
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Logan Pearsall Smith, Afterthoughts (1931) "In the World"
To suppose, as we all suppose, that we could be rich and not behave as the rich behave, is like supposing that we could drink all day and keep absolutely sober.
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Sylvia Plath
I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.
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Annie Sullivan
Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over gain, and you will grow stronger until have accomplished a purpose--not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.
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Kathleen Norris, Hands Full of Living, 1931
Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier.
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William Shakespeare
Nothing emboldens sin so much as mercy.
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