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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Random Funny Quotes - 157
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Mark Twain
Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone.
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Max Born
Intellect distinguishes between the possible and the impossible reason distinguishes between the sensible and the senseless. Even the possible can be senseless.
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Jerry Coleman
All the Padres need is a flyball in the air.
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Hugo De Groot
Ignorance of certain subjects is a great part of wisdom.
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Sir Harold George Nicolson
The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.
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Socrates, Quoted in: Plato, Phaedrus.
When desire, having rejected reason and overpowered judgment which leads to right, is set in the direction of the pleasure which beauty can inspire . . .
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Arthur Marx
So. The time has come for me to get my kite flying, stretch out in the sun, kick off my shoes, and speak my piece. 'The days of struggle are over,' I should be able to say. 'I can look back now and tell myself I don't have a single regret.' But I do. Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. 'Harpo, my boy,' he said, 'I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember.' My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. 'Yes, sir' I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were.
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Author Unknown
Early civilizations complained about still earlier ones, much as we do about both
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Albert Einstein
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
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Charles Caleb Colton
We hate some persons because we do not know them and we will not know them because we hate them.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick 'Americans' as their mascot.
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Henry Adams
The effect of power and publicity on all men is the aggravation of self, a sort of tumor that ends by killing the victim's sympathies.
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