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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Sarcastic Random Funny Quotes - 146

Ray Simard

Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed.


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Mikhail Sergeyevich Gorbachev

Certain people in the United States are driving nails into this structure of our relationship, then cutting off the heads. So the Soviets must use their teeth to pull them out.


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Charles M. Schulz

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right


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J. Robert Oppenheimer

Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.


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Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill

The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning.


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Glen Cook, Sweet Silver Blues

Mornings are wonderful! The only drawback is that they come at such an inconvenient time of day!


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Herbert Clark Hoover

No greater nor more affectionate honor can be conferred on an American than to have a public school named after him.


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Oscar Fingall O\'Flahertie Wills Wilde

I delight in men over seventy. They always offer one the devotion of a lifetime.


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Peter De Vries

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.


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J. C. Watts

Everyone tries to define this thing called Character. It's not hard. Character is doing what's right when nobody's looking.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bellyful of words and do not know a thing.


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Josiah Gilbert Holland

Let this be understood, then, at starting; that the patient conquest of difficulties which rise in the regular and legitimate channels of business and enterprise is not only essential in securing the success which you seek but it is essential to that preparation of your mind, requisite for the enjoyment of your successes, and for retaining them when gained. So, day by day, and week by week; so month after month, and year after year, work on, and in that progress gain in strength and symmetry, and nerve and knowledge, that when success, patiently and bravely worked for, shall come, it may find you prepared to receive it and keep it.



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