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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Online Famous Quotations - 29
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Unknown, UNESCO Constitution
Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defence of peace must be constructed.
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Apple LaserWriter manual
Do not expose your LaserWriter to fire or intense heat.
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Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive Comic, 10-30-03
The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.
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Samuel Goldwyn
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
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Vince Lombardi
Winning is not a sometime thing it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.
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Henry Kissinger
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
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Anon.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
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H. L. Mencken
When women kiss, it always reminds me of prizefighters shaking hands.
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Orson Scott Card
Humanity does not ask us to be happy. It merely asks us to be brilliant on its behalf. Survival first, then happiness as we can manage it.
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Everything a human being wants can be divided into four components love, adventure, power and fame.
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St. John Baptist de La Salle, The Rules of Christian Manners and Civility (c. 1695)
Children are guilty of unpardonable rudeness when they spit in the face of a companion; neither are they excusable who spit from windows or on walls or furniture.
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Marcus Tullius Cicero
The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn.
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