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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Online Famous Quotations - 59
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Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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Ronald Reagan
The ultimate determinant in the struggle now going on for the world will not be bombs and rockets but a test of wills and ideas-a trial of spiritual resolve: the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to which we are dedicated.
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Euripides
There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course a quiet conscience.
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Adam Smith
It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self-interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own neccessities but of their advantages.
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Booker T. Washington
No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem.
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Gen. Joseph Stilwell
Don't let the bastards grind you down.
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Jules Renard
The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
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Lenny Bruce
Communism is like one big phone company.
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Blaise Pascal
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.
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Frederick Winslow Taylor
Hardly a competent workman can be found who does not devote a considerably amount of time to studying just how slowly he can work and convince his employer that he is going at a good price.
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Ovid
The result justifies the deed.
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E. R. Bulwer-Lytton
It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best.
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