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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Online Famous Quotations - 169
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Sidney Madwed
Poor is the man who does not know his own intrinsic worth and tends to measure everything by relative value. A man of financial wealth who values himself by his financial net worth is poorer than a poor man who values himself by his intrinsic self worth.
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F Scott
Genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind.
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Pietro Aretino
I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.
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Hugh Elliott
When a miracle happens, even if not to you, its nature is to naturally expand. You can almost feel the warmth on your face.
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Harriet Van Horne
Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.
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So I Married an Axe Murderer
Harriet What do you look for in a woman you date Charlie Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size.
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Arthur Koestler
If one looks with a cold eye at the mess man has made of history, it is difficult to avoid the conclusion that he has been afflicted by some built-in mental disorder which drives him towards self-destruction.
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James Bridie
Boredom is a sign of satisfied ignorance, blunted apprehension, crass sympathies, dull understanding, feeble powers of attention, and irreclaimable weakness of character.
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Woodrow Wilson
When you have read the Bible, you will know it is the word of God, because you will have found it the key to your own heart, your own happiness, and your own duty.
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Arthur C. Clarke, 2010
We are just tenants on this world. We have just been given a new lease, and a warning from the landlord.
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Jed Seidel
Marriage. Why do we do it Everybody knows the stats. One in two marriages end up in broken dishes and a trip to Tijuana. Is it loneliness Partly. Is it teamwork Definitely. Things just kind of go easier when there's two of you. One of you can wait in line at the movie theater while the other guy parks the car. Get better seats that way. Better room rate when it's a double. Are you ready to file jointly...Above you is the sun and sky. Below you, the ground. Like the sun, your love should be constant, like the ground, solid.
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Millicent Fenwick
Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is. How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self.
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