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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Online Famous Quotations - 109

Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

I don't think I'm ever more 'aware' than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.


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George Orwell

Anyone who challenges the prevailing orthodoxy finds himself silenced with surprising effectiveness. A genuinely unfashionable opinion is almost never given a fair hearing.


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Anthony Trollope

I do not think myself to be a worm, and a grub, grass of the field fit only to be burned, a clod, a morsel of putrid atoms that should be thrown to the dungheap, ready for the nethermost pit. Nor if I did should I therefore expect to sit with Angels and Archangels.


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Deacon Jones

I was the originator of smack. Some guys rattle with smack with other guys it rolls right off their shoulders like nothing.


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Johann von Goethe

The beginning of faith is the beginning of fruitfulness but the beginning of unbelief, however glittering, is empty.


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Richard Bach

Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.


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Danish Proverb

Bad is never good until worse happens.


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Anonymous

When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.


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John Mason Good

Happiness consists in activity. It is running steam, not a stagnant pool.


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Francois Rabelais

So much is a man worth as he esteems himself.


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John F. Kennedy

Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our nation.


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Gordon R. Dickson

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.



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