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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Online Famous Quotations - 196
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Douglas MacArthur
There is no security on earth there is only opportunity.
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Mickey Lolich
All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'
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Mortimer Adler
Ask others about themselves, at the same time, be on guard not to talk too much about yourself.
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Proverbs 1114 Bible Hebrew
Where no counsel is, the people fall but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
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Alice Thomas Ellis
Those who live on vanity must, not unreasonably, expect to die of mortification.
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Dame Rose Macaulay
He felt about books as doctors feel about medicines, or managers about plays - cynical, but hopeful.
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George Herbert
Every mile is two in winter.
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Rowan Atkinson
As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself 'the last thing you must do is forget your speech.' And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech.
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Hesiod
He harms himself who does harm to another, and the evil plan is most harmful to the planner.
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William Hazlitt
The more we do, the more we can do.
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Erin Cleary
I see music as the augmentation of a split second of time.
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Minna Thomas Antrim
Three failures denote uncommon strength. A weakling has not enough grit to fail thrice.
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