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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Sarcastic Online Famous Quotations - 196

Douglas MacArthur

There is no security on earth there is only opportunity.


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Mickey Lolich

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'


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Mortimer Adler

Ask others about themselves, at the same time, be on guard not to talk too much about yourself.


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Proverbs 1114 Bible Hebrew

Where no counsel is, the people fall but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.


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Alice Thomas Ellis

Those who live on vanity must, not unreasonably, expect to die of mortification.


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Dame Rose Macaulay

He felt about books as doctors feel about medicines, or managers about plays - cynical, but hopeful.


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George Herbert

Every mile is two in winter.


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Rowan Atkinson

As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself 'the last thing you must do is forget your speech.' And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech.


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Hesiod

He harms himself who does harm to another, and the evil plan is most harmful to the planner.


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William Hazlitt

The more we do, the more we can do.


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Erin Cleary

I see music as the augmentation of a split second of time.


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Minna Thomas Antrim

Three failures denote uncommon strength. A weakling has not enough grit to fail thrice.



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