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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Sarcastic Proverbs and Sayings - 6

Baghdad Betty, Iraqi radio announcer, to gulf war troops

While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife.


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Stephen William Hawking

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value.


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Mark Twain

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board


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Oliver Wendell Holmes

Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man's upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor.


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Susan J. Bissonette

An optimist is the human personification of spring.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. 'That was fun,' I said. 'You bet it was,' said Nick. 'Let's climb higher.' 'No,' I said. 'I think we should be heading back now.' 'We have time,' Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.


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Lois McMaster Bujold

An honor is not diminished for being shared.


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Anacreon

I both love and do not love and am mad and not mad.


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Lewis Mumford

Traditionalists are pessimists about the future and optimists about the past.


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Cicero, De Amicitia

The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.


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Pearl Sydenstricker Buck

All things are possible until they are proved impossible-even the impossible may only be so, as of now.


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Baruch Spinoza

Do not weep do not wax indignant. Understand.



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