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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Sarcastic Quotations from Famous People - 196

Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka English.'


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Marlin Finch Lupus

We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share our dreams and to share in the life we choose. Someone to help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to comfort us along the way.


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Edythe E. Bregnard

You may search my time-worn face, You'll find a merry eye that twinkles I am NOT an old lady Just a little girl with wrinkles.


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Phyllis Theroux

To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart.


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Rosilind Russell

When something (an affliction) happens to you, you either let it defeat you, or you defeat it.


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Lord Jeffery

A good name, like good will, is got by many actions and lost by one.


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Benjamin Franklin

Dost thou love life? Than do not squander time, for it is the stuff life is made of.


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Eric Hoffer

We have perhaps a natural fear of ends. We would rather be always on the way than arrive. Given the means, we hang on to them and often forget the ends.


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Mark 9:23

All things are possible to him that believeth.


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John M. Capozzi, Why Climb the Corporate Ladder When You Can Take the Elevator?

Dig where the gold is…unless you just need some exercise.


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Martin Luther King, Jr.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.


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Thomas Jefferson

Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.



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