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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Proverbs and Sayings - 14
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Robert Orben
Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.
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Ernest Rutherford, in J. B. Birks "Rutherford at Manchester" (1962)
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
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Carl Sagan, "Contact"
A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
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Anthony Burgess
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
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Socrates
Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.
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P. G. Wodehouse
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
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Orison Swett Marden
Every experience in life, everything with which we have come in contact in life, is a chisel which has been cutting away at our life statue, molding, modifying, shaping it. We are part of all we have met. Everything we have seen, heard, felt, or thought has had its hand in molding us, shaping us
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Richard Milhous Nixon
My own view is that taping of conversations for historical purposes was a bad decision on the part of all the presidents. I don't think Kennedy should have done it. I don't think Johnson should have done it, and I don't think we should have done it.
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Charles Hodge
The ultimate ground of faith and knowledge is confidence in God.
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Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself"
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)
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W. H. Auden
Murder is unique in that it abolishes the party it injures, so that society has to take the place of the victim and on his behalf demand atonement or grant forgiveness; it is the one crime in which society has a direct interest.
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Henry David Thoreau
What does education often do It makes a straight-cut ditch of a free, meandering brook.
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