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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Proverbs and Sayings - 130

Granville Hicks

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.


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Andrew Schneider

I feel like I can handle a lot of things. I can handle a parasitic infection and separating lesions, arterial sclerosis. But this stuff...I just want to go through life thinking people are happy, naive as that may sound.


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Carl Sagan

If we long to believe that the stars rise and set for us, that we are the reason there is a Universe, does science do us a disservice in deflating our conceits?


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Mao Zedong

Despise the enemy strategically, but take him seriously tactically.


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Oscar Wilde

One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.


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Ovid, Ars Amatoria

To be loved, be lovable.


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Gen. William Sherman

If nominated, I will not run if elected, I will not serve.


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Moses Ben Maimon Maimonides

Teach thy tongue to say 'I do not know' and thou shalt progress.


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John Hay

True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home.


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Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.


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Walt Whitman

And whether I come to my own today or in ten thousand or ten million years, I can cheefully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness I can wait... And as to you, Life, I reckon you are the leavings of many deaths, (No doubt I have died myself ten thousand times before.)


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George John Whyte-Melville

In the choice of a horse and a wife, a man must please himself, ignoring the opinion and advice of friends.



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