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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Proverbs and Quotations - 30
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Aesop
Look before you leap.
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Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991
Children might or might not be a blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely damnation.
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Jane Austen
One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.
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Grace Slick
Insignificant events can take on monumental proportions when your head is full of practically nothing.
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John Barrymore
A man must properly pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.
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Italian Proverb
Everyone loves justice in the affairs of another.
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Samuel Butler
I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
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Robert Joseph Bob Dole
If something happened along the route and you had to leave your children with Bob Dole or Bill Clinton, I think you would probably leave them with Bob Dole.
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Chazal
We sometimes laugh from ear to ear, but it would be impossible for a smile to be wider than the distance between our eyes.
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H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.
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Albert Einstein
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.
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