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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Proverbs and Sayings - 189
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Saint Augustine
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
He then learns that in going down into the secrets of his own mind he has descended into the secrets of all minds.
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George Levinger
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
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Finley Peter Dunne
The Puritans gave thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and we give thanks for being preserved from the Puritans.
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Sid Taylor
Wisdom is perishable. Unlike information or knowledge, it cannot be stored in a computer or recorded in a book. It expires with each passing generation.
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William Shakespeare
The quality of mercy is not strained It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath. It is twice blessed- It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes.
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Cicero
Be sure that it is not you that is mortal, but only your body. For that man whom your outward form reveals is not yourself; the spirit is the true self, not that physical figure which and be pointed out by your finger.
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Deanna Troi, _Imzadi_, Star Trek - The Next Generation
Higher emotions are what separate us from the lower orders of life... Higher emotions, and table manners.
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Edith Ann
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
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G. Weilacher
One only needs two tools in life WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop.
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L. M. K. Boelter, 1957
Engineers participate in the activities which make the resources of nature available in a form beneficial to man and provide systems which will perform optimally and economically.
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Horace Mann
To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is Godlike.
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