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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Proverbs and Sayings - 167
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Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights Chapter 7
Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.
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George Bernard Shaw
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
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Frank Moore Colby
Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours.
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Marysarah Quinn
A job is what we do for money work is what we do for love.
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Rebecca Pepper Sinkler
The reluctance to put away childish things may be a requirement of genius.
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Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Joseph Stalin, Winston Chuirchill, The Second World War, vol 1
The Pope! How many divisions has _he_ got ?
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Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
Oh! do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch.
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Ulysses S. Grant
The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving.
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Publilius Syrus
Money alone sets all the world in motion.
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Abba Eban
He has a splendid repertoire of 500 words. Why does he insist on using only 150?
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Russell Baker
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
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