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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Proverbs and Sayings - 181
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Nancy Davis Reagan
Today, there is a drug and alcohol abuse epidemic in this country. And no one is safe from it-not you, not me and certainly not our children, because this epidemic has their names written on it.
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James Mellon, who paid $300 for a civil war Union army deferment
...a man may be a patriot without risking his own life or sacrificing his health. There are plenty of lives less valuable.
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Alan Watts
Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
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Stephen Covey
Doing more things faster is no substitute for doing the right things.
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Bible, Old Testament
Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shalt drink it with pleasure.
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Frank Herbert, Dune
Humans live best when each has a place to stand, when each knows where he belongs in the scheme of things and what he may achieve. Destroy the place and you destroy the person.
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Edwin Schlossberg
The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.
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Frank Zappa
Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not.
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Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.
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Albert Einstein
Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for insects as well as for the stars. Human beings, vegetables or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.
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Anne Rice
The truth is, laughter always sounds more perfect than weeping. Laughter flows in a violent riff and is effortlessly melodic. Weeping is often fought, choked, half strangled, or surrendered to with humiliation.
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James Beard, O Magazine, November 2003
Food is our common ground, a universal experience.
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