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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Proverbs and Quotations - 50
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Carl Jung
It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves.
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Eustace Budgell
Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.
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Martin Mull
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
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Samuel Adams
Democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts and murders itself. There was never a democracy that did not commit suicide.
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Carl Sandburg
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
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Kwan-Tzu
If you give a man a fish, he will have a single meal. If you teach him how to fish, he will eat all his life.
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Truman Capote
Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.
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Dr. Martin Luther King
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
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Charlotte Bronte
Feeling without judgement is a washy draught indeed but judgement untempered by feeling is too bitter and husky a morsel for human deglutition.
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Lyndon B. Johnson
A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.
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Alice Killer
I've arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I've been doing.
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Oscar Wilde
When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck men risk theirs.
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