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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Proverbs and Sayings - 75
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Carl Sandburg
Arithmetic is numbers you squeeze from your head to your hand to your pencil to your paper until you get the right answer.
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Soren Kierkegaard
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
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George Bernard Shaw
Reviewing has one advantage over suicide: in suicide you take it out on yourself; in reviewing you take it out on other people.
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Abraham Lincoln
Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal...We here highly resolve that the dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
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Homer
A small rock holds back a great wave.
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Ellen Karsh
He is a teenager, after all-a strange agent with holes in his jeans, studs in his ear, a tail down his neck, a cap on his head (backward).
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M. Grundler
It is easy to take liberty for granted when you have never had it taken from you.
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Thomas Jefferson
Delay is preferable to error.
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Thich Nhat Hanh
When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.
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J.W. Schopf
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
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Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich
No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it.
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Oliver Wendell Holmes
To be 70 years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be 40 years old.
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