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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Proverbs and Sayings - 70
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Voltaire
The art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of the citizens to give to the other.
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Tommy Boy
Richard Okay... seatbelts. Just put the little thing into the big thing and... I tell ya what. If you don't know how to fasten your seatbelt, just raise your hand and I'll have Tommy Boy here come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you're a RETARD
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P.D. James
It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life.
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Mother Theresa
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.
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Brian Patten, Schoolboy (1990)
Death is the only grammatically correct full stop…
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Dietrich Bonhoeffer
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure.
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Cicero
Our span of life is brief, but is long enough for us to live well and honestly.
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John Newton
When I was young, I was sure of many things now there are only two things of which I am sure one is, that I am a miserable sinner and the other, that Christ is an all-sufficient Saviour. He is well-taught who learns these two lessons.
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Clint Eastwood, Jr.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
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Samuel McChord Crothers
Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways.
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Bertrand Russell
We know too much and feel too little. At least, we feel too little of those creative emotions from which a good life springs.
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Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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