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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Proverbs and Sayings - 79
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call 'image fuzz-out.' But I've never even seen a radarscope, so I wouldn't totally go by what I've just said here.
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Golda Meir
It's no accident many accuse me of conducting public affairs with my heart instead of my head. Well, what if I do ... Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
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Plato, The Republic
He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.
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Henry Timrod
Spring is a true reconstructionist.
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Johnny Carson
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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Paul Sadler
The goal of every married couple, indeed, every Christian home, should be to make Christ the Head, the Counselor and the Guide.
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Arnold Bennett
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
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Charles Hendrickson Brower
A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow.
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Neil Gershenfeld
For a smart material to be able to send out a more complex signal it needs to be nonlinear. If you hit a tuning fork twice as hard it will ring twice as loud but still at the same frequency. That's a linear response. If you hit a person twice as hard they're unlikely just to shout twice as loud. That property lets you learn more about the person than the tuning fork.
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Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage
Few take up the burden of their own victory: most give up their dreams when they become impossible.
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Louis Vermeil
The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking.
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Aristophanes
High thoughts must have high language.
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