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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 111

Thomas Szasz

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.


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Frederick Buechner

It is as impossible for man to demonstrate the existence of God as it would be for even Sherlock Holmes to demonstrate the existence of Arthur Conan Doyle.


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Margaret Deland

One must desire something to be alive.


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Benjamin Franklin

So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do.


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John Gunther

Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts.


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Mahatma Gandhi

We must become the change we want to see.


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Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Fate leads the willing and drags along the unwilling. - Epistulae ad Lucilium


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he's dragging the rattrap because it didn't quite kill him, just tell the people he's your pet and that's a trick you taught him.


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C. S. Lewis

I have found a desire within myself that no experience in this world can satisfy; the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.


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Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac (1758)

Creditors have better memories than debtors.


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Alan Patrick Herbert

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.


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Ellis Peters

Nothing is more pleasing and engaging than the sense of having conferred benefits. Not even the gratification of receiving them.



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