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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 110

Thomas Szasz

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.


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Sir Walter Besant

I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy.


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Cicero, On Friendship, 44 B.C.

Friendship make prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it.


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H.L. Mencken

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.


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Gilbert Keith Chesterton

There is something to be said for every error but, whatever may be said for it, the most important thing to be said about it is that it is erroneous.


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Jane E. Brody

Turn your midlife crisis to your own advantage by making it a time for renewal of your body and mind, rather than stand by helplessly and watch them decline.


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Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

You will always find hatred strongest and most violent where there is the lowest degree of culture.


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Floyd Dell

Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything.


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Albert Einstein

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.


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Cicero

The evil implanted in man by nature spreads so imperceptibly, when the habit of wrong-doing is unchecked, that he himself can set no limit to his shamelessness.


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Samuel Johnson, (attributed; also attributed to Ann Landers)

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.


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Carl Sagan

Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality.



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