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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Sayings Proverbs and Quotations - 99
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Fyodor Dostoevsky
If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you.
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George Saunders, last words
Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored.
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Henny Youngman
What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.
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Lawrence Peter Berra
In baseball, you don't know nothing.
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Garrison Keillor
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
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Will Durant
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
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Yiddish Proverb
If you can't bite, don't show your teeth.
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George Carlin, You Are All Diseased
You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanta, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.
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Madame de Stael
The more I see of men, the better I like dogs.
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Anon.
The NeXT Computer The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe.
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W. Somerset Maugham
The value of money is that with it we can tell any man to go to the devil. It is the sixth sense which enables you to enjoy the other five.
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H. L. Mencken
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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